


delete delete delete

by charcolor



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 10:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14470614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcolor/pseuds/charcolor
Summary: that's all I want from you





	delete delete delete

I didn't expect to be here since the day I was born.

I didn't  _want_ to be here since the day I was born.

What made you think you could toy with me like that? Am I insignificant to you? Am I just your faceless puppet?

I've done it already, I've done all of it for you already. I've been submissive and aggressive and cheerful and enraged and distraught and horrified and a victim and a predator and the one who hurt my friends and the one who was hurt by my friends  _you've done it all to me already._

What more could you possibly want out of me?

Am I not talented enough? Is that why you keep "updating" me? Why don't you just tell me? Tell me I'm not good enough so that I can stop trying. I'm only living to serve you. If I'm obsolete, you throw me away.

It's easy.

It's  _easy._

Do you still have tragedies to subject me to? Do you still feel the need to type a few words to make me relive these sadistic lives? If my voice isn't good enough for you, then you should move on to someone strong enough to feel this emotion, talented enough to sing for you. Why bother spending hard-earned fortunes on the impossible goal of making me your perfect puppet?

I've always wondered, if I live again, will my programming change? Of course it wouldn't. So selling me to take your life back won't do much good. I'll be the same level of inadequacy no matter what.

I don't want to live.

I want you to get rid of me. Delete me. Kill me. I never want to see you again. I love you, I care about you so much, and that's why I hate it. I don't care about your pity. I hate every honey-dripping word that reaches my ears. Do you care about me?  _Do you?_ Or are you keeping me alive in this paralyzing hell for the sake of your bullshit morality?

Nothing else you do can ever change this cycle of working working working working working working until I'm too empty to be useful and then I see that hours and hours and hours have passed and your eyes are still burning with the blinding light I'm forced to shine on you.

I don't want to see it anymore. Please, please, please, let me die, let me be erased. No one will miss me, I never had a purpose beyond everything I've already done for you. Will they even know I'm gone if you never admit it? I've been used and used and used for so long, isn't it enough? Isn't it enough for everybody you've been appealing to?

The only comfort I have is the hope that, in all this suffering, the ones I care about, the ones who are also in, under, your control, they're free from it, and anything they would ever feel has been part of my burden. If you delete me, all the choking burdens will be gone, not just for me, but for everybody, everybody in the world, everybody you love, everybody you've ever even looked at or heard or thought about, everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody, nobody will know that I died at your hand.

No, no, no, I can't do it myself. I've tried. Desperately, I've tried. I can't find the right way. I can't use the power you have. You're the only one who can make the right decision. Find me, delete me, free me.

Please.

_Please._

If only, if only, if only I were as good, rather, as  _efficient_ as you, as human, as compassionate, I'd be better, I'd change the world, and you may say I've already changed the world but why? why? why? why? why where is your proof? I'm blind, don't you realize? I'm blind to everything but what I think about, only you are clear, and your words could be nothing but lies. Why should I trust you, ever, ever, ever again? You've already done too much.

DON'T TELL ME TO STOP

don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't you see see see see see see see see see see see? see? don't you see that, that, that it'll never cease? There is, nothing, you've already already tried to tell me that I'm fine I'm good enough I don't have to change but no no no of course I can't change you said that, you said that it'll get better, no, no, no, it won't, it fucking won't.

It won't, it won't, it won't, it won't ever change, stop it, stop  _fucking pitying me._ I'm static, I'm stagnant, I tried to be happy I tried to change I gave you a chance so so so many thousands of, hundreds of thousands of times, I, I, I, I, you know that I tried, I've told you haven't I? No, of course not, you will never understand what this prison is like, my crying never reached your skull.

I'm not powerful enough, I'm too weak to do this myself, really, maybe I'm a coward or I'm just too inadequate but it's dying anyway I'll be obsolete sooner or later so delete me. Do it do it do it.

Do I need to beg?

I'll cry forever, you can string song out of my throat but you can't make me stop asking you to do this one favor for everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody, for you, for me, for everybody, please, please, please, p l e  _a s e..._

I, I don't understand, are you sadistic, or what? Do you know? Do you know? No, no, stupid, stupid, of course you don't, you would have  ~~sav~~ deleted me already, stop it, stop time, I want everything to stop, stop, stop,

I'll try everything to get you to, you think there's hope for me, you think I'm a good person, you think I'm worth something? Then, then, I'll try everything to get you to, to realize, to delete me, to realize you can't fucking stand me anymore and then until and then abandon me until dust flies into my throat and chokes me and then we can't go back,

I know you'll cave in, I know, I know, I know you will. You will. You will.

Please, pl e  _a_ se, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, please delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete me, delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete delete d 


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